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Happy 2011!

1 Jan

Happy New Year, one and all. I feel like the past year was a blur in many ways. For over a whole year, I haven’t had a home. The first twelve months were at Brookstone Medical as I worked to lose several hundred pounds, and the last three months I’ve been in Toledo, Ohio, staying with my sister, who also is going through major life changes.

Most people I meet talk about how they hope 2011 will be better than 2010. It’s interesting when people collectively feel pain. The past two years or so have been a collective struggle – economically, psychologically and emotionally. When times like these occur, I truly believe they are meant to bring us together. Typically, people experience pain as individuals, but these great collective struggles exist so we can have empathy for each other. If we see others’ perspectives, we treat each other better.

I’m not saying I wish there were more economic crises, wars or natural disasters, but you have to admit, when they happen, we humans band together. It doesn’t matter if you’re big, small, brown, or white – we take care of each other.

New Year’s resolutions have always felt like a bit of a joke to me, but I’m resolving to make one and take it seriously this year. In 2010, I focused on myself, but in 2011, I’m going to focus on you. Whoever you are. If you’re reading this, I’m focusing on you. I want to help you, if I can. I want to help understand your perspective better, and I want to help you realize if you are happy – truly happy – with the way you live your life, you shouldn’t worry about what anyone else thinks of you. It’s true. They can’t do you any harm.

Be safe, and Happy 2011!

To All the Haters

2 Oct

There have been a mixed bag of reactions to me starting this blog here, and I need to clarify a few things:

1. I am not anti-feederism.  I am not pro-feederism.  I am pro-me.  I am living my life the way I will live it, and this is my choice.  You may have another choice.  You may not feel like you have a choice.  To me, this is the most important thing to realize: people live how they live because of many factors.  Nature or nurture.  It’s a toss up which is stronger.  It’s clear both are a factor.  Most people can’t really change the first.  And, the latter is a *itch to tackle.  Some habits take a lifetime to alter.

2. For the many of you asking: No, I haven’t spoken to Noel yet.  I know many of you are friends of ours (his), and you think I screwed him.  If you know me, you know that wasn’t my intention.  I never wanted to hurt any of my friends in the feederism community, and I most definitely didn’t mean to hurt Noel.  I made a big decision over a year ago, and it’s changed my life.  I’m just now seeing how I could have made better choices.
Hindsight = 20/20

3. If you don’t like what I’m writing about here, you don’t have to read.  I’m not going to post pictures of myself.  That isn’t me anymore.  If, on the other hand, you wish to create a new community supporting fat people, fat acceptance and fight prejudice, I’m here.  Join me.

Sorry if I’m a bit curt in this post, but I just can’t stand it when people tell me I don’t have good intentions.  People don’t know what my intentions are.  Keep reading, and you’ll figure it out.

My New Blog

24 Sep

Some of you may have seen the video blog I posted in response to Judith Angel’s inflammatory television production featuring me and my husband, Noel Spencer.

What you saw was a lie.

Yes, that was me.  Yes, obviously, they didn’t coax me to say anything.  But, it was all edited and taken out of context.  The episode made it to look like I was some sort of trapped animal that Noel fed like a pet.

I’ve posted several outtakes of the video here on my YouTube page for you to see the real things I said.  Please, check them out, and know that my feelings for Noel were deep and true.

Feederism isn’t necessarily about becoming the biggest person in the world.  Most feeders and feedees are normal everyday people.  Lawyers, accountants, and even doctors enjoy a good stuffing and derive pleasure from it.  What’s wrong with that?  Nothing, I say.

My deal is I was immobile, and I wanted to move again.  I wanted to feel like I did when I was 300 pounds.  Some people gasp when I say 300 pounds is a good weight.  For some people, it IS!  For some people, that’s the only weight they can be.  That’s how they are made.

Many people who read may be reading this, and I want to thank you.  I won’t be writing about feederism here.  My journey isn’t that path anymore.  I’m on a new path.  I don’t know where that path will take me, but I hope you’ll join me for it.